It’s about noon on an overcast Wednesday,
and I’m enjoying a cup of coffee after taking a nap.
Weeks after my last undergrad final, I still feel like a kid.
Simply, I’m faced with two choices — each choice carrying its own set of 3 or 4 implications.
I finally finished reading Sabor al Chocolate,a book I purchased in Madrid in 2009, during a large book fair held in the park. I’d started it many times but never made it till the end.
how often
have I found myself at this point in the semester? The moment where you realize that the big assignment you’ve been dreading for three weeks really isn’t “that” bad, but it’s still taking you more than three hours to complete for first third.
Friday night grading
and this guy sitting at a table across from me picked up his laptop and brought it into the restroom with him. Ha! I wish I could just do the same but I never want to be that obvious. (instead, I’ll pack up my entire bag of stuff and then go.)
—————
Feel good food,
(PS. Almond butter is freaking delicious. Now I can have pretend peanut butter & jelly sandwiches w/ all the punk kids at the schools.) (PPS, students were especially punk’y this week. Also, they’ve left me speechless for multiple reasons. I haven’t finished writing that blog yet, though. It’s… touchy?)
$,
*not accounted for: all things breakfast, and countless bowls of tomato soup and Greek salad from Panera.
thursdays are long days
Spring break is rolling past me, a student at work looked me straight in the eye and stated, “I believe in God.” (after, of course, I casually said something along the lines of, “well, if it weren’t for that big bang, we wouldn’t be here!”), I want to purchase things I don’t have the money (or possibly, talent) for, PREAM (pizza rules everything around me), … etc I feel like I am using “me” way too often here.
it has kind of been
a crappy week.
But, it’s the first Saturday of Spring break, and my one general goal for this week is to reset. Reset my mind, my body.. I’ve been going in all directions and going nowhere at the same time. I just want to feel… centered again.
Breakfast is always a help.
“… some words are too thick for air.”
/why I should write on these days
The biggest reason I need to get myself together:
I need to provide myself with a hide out. A real, get away from the rest of the world, hide out. Usually, in San Diego it’s never a problem. Something irks me so much I don’t have any words, I run myself over to the coast. Last week, the off shore breeze in OB wasn’t much a breeze as it was ice in gaseous form, pushing the dark clouds from one horizon to the one behind me. It was exactly what I needed. Flapping my sleeves around, twisting tangles in my hair, a shock to my eyes, the wind was a welcome refreshment. I arrived there angry, insecure, my mind moving too fast to comprehend anything, this grinding of my mind produced so much friction I was staying warm in the 50 degree cold. Negativity may make you cold, but it can keep you warm and alone.
But then you breathe in. Almost instantly, your body’s cooled. Goosebumps around your heart, your remember how good it is to feel, not simmer. I love the warmth of the sun any day, but there’s something about finding that quiet, true calm. It’s cold, and a stark contrast to the heat of staying upset. Even as a public space, I reorganize myself here. The beach always does this for me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when it’s raining? I’m trapped from one room to another, no space to let me collect myself. I’m running from library to cafe to work to…
I’m not sure where this is going. I just need to graduate, somehow make my life start happening.
love is a chemical reaction
—————
Stress has been manifesting into physical responses lately. I’m constantly becoming aware of more things to consider, to worry about… decisions that need to be made. I sorely lack in coping skills.
Thank some kind of goodness I have friends that listen to me freak and a love that calms me down. But these decisions are mine. x_x.
luvstep3
starting off with a quote from Spiderman? (Tobey McGuire’s portrayal) ohmygod I’m dying already in love.
